Handling parents who disapprove your marriage?

What will you do if either your partner's, or your own parents disapprove your marriage giving the ultimatum to choose either the family or your partner? Main reason is because we came from different culture, country, language, religion etc and parents find it difficult to communicate as compared to having a local partner. Time may help, but the emotion stress and 'waiting approval' period may wear us out.


I do not have a solution. Is it better off to part ways early?Handling parents who disapprove your marriage?
cut and paste...... and ask again..... you'll get another different answer from me.Handling parents who disapprove your marriage?
Parents usually object because they know how difficult it is to stay married to those unlike yourself if vast lists of differences are there.





Marriages succeed best when the couples have lots in common, not lots of differences.





Same religion, same politics, same race, same ideas on children, same ideas on how money ought to be spent, same commitment to each other and your relationship -------on and on and on, hon. And you dont find these out until you have known each other almost two years.





My dad made sure I understood this early on... like when I was 11. His comment was always, ';Never shop in a store in which you aren't going to buy anything.'; And at a very tender age, he made sure that things like these make or break a marriage.





Any one can get along with anyone else during the 2 years of passion. After that, and after kids? Nope.





So, don't marry this person until you know him/her well. And for sure, don't have children until you have traveled together, spent time together in all sorts of situations. My dad suggested 5 years. By then, your relationship has gone from hot passion, to comfort, contentment, communicating very well, and respect, admiration, and trust.





Helpful?
No human can predict what life you gonna have in the future, not even your parents .Nobody can know what is the character of your husband or you after you already married. It is better to live on your dreams and to live with someone you love. It is a step forward for dreaming a happy family life. What ever will be the outcome, at least you taste to be happy but make sure he also love you even without your family own family behind you. Then if he does...., give him a break!
Hon, you live in Singapore. Your world is very different from ours and you can not apply our way of life to yours. If you were American I would say you pick your husband and your parents will eventually come around but I know better. I know your parents will disown you forever and society will look at you differently because of it.





I have a colleague who did the same as you. Life became intolerable in Singapore so they moved here in Canada. She's been married for 10 years now and her mother-in-law still hates her deeply and make her life miserable even if she's a world away from here. Her MIL calls her names, tells her all the time she's a bad wife for her son, a bad mother for her grand-children. Her husband can't defend her because a son has to be on his parents side.





Ask yourself if you're ready for this kind of life....and eventually have to move to another continent to have some kind of peace.
Your family has nothing to do with your love life and if they love you they will have to deal with what choices you make. It is very stressful but you need to let them know this is your life and if this is all that i takes to for them to turn their back how much could they have ever cared for you. If they tell you they are doing this because they love you, then let them know you love him and all they have to do is come around with a smile on their face and support you but keep their negative feelings to themselves and to respect your decision. Put your foot down, it's not about taking sides but your happiness. This is your life, live for yourself!
If your husband provides for you, supports you, treats you well etc. and provides all the good qualities he should then your parents are in the wrong.


They have to accept that if you are happy and being treated properly then they should really keep their negative opinions to themselves and then either accept your husband or move on.
This is an age old problem. Bottom line here is this you are the one who has to choose the life mate you believe will complete your life. No one else has to live with your decision. It is not important that the parents are able to communicate. What is important is can the two of you communicate?
It's not what I ';will'; do, because it is done: I chose my wife. I'm a grown up adult - I don't need my parents. What I need is a spouse to build a life and raise our children with!
U both are responsible for who you marry, for better or for worse.Your family/parents form only a part of the integral link. Afterall its your own happiness you seek.You marry that person not their parents.U r gonna start a family with your loved one not your parents. They object for their own beliefs be it right or wrong. At the end of the day, who are you out to please?If u listen to your parents, will it make u any more happier? Or if you choose to ignore them, do you feel any less miserable? Seek out your own true feelings. Time will heal all wounds, eventually they will learn to accept the other person. That is provides he/she is good to you. Having said that, who in this world can guarantee happiness? Marriages do break up, right? Who can tell the what the future will bring. We have only 1 life to live, so live it like there is no tomorrow.Go with your gut feel and do what you want to do. Afterall, life being so intangible, its better to be happy now and worry later. Take each day as it comes, for we know not what the future holds. We can only plan, we cant anticipate. Communication does not necessary have to come in the form of same language, its the gesture/thoughts/action that speaks louder than words.
When my husband and I were dating, after a few years we were sure we wanted to get married. My parents never supported our relationship because of different culture/ethnicity/country (but at least not religion) and thought he was after a green card. They also wouldn't believe he was our religion.





When he asked them for permission to marry me, my dad just stared at him and didn't say anything. After 10 min of silence, my SO left. It took 5 months for my dad to give him an answer. In the meantime, my parents kept asking me if I wanted them to say no. They even wrote me a long letter detailing all their objections to the wedding. It took a lot of patience and biting my tongue in efforts not to scream.





Bottom line, is that I was sure I was in love with him, that he had all the qualities I was looking for, and that this was a relationship that I wanted permanently. If my parents had said no, I would have told them I was sorry they couldn't support us, but we would then have to elope.





Three years later, they were finally completely okay with us being married, and now they like him. For some of my friends who encountered the same thing, it sometimes took years for their parents to acknowledge the presence of their SO, and then years more to start talking to them. So I feel like I'm at least ahead in that regard.





Bottom line - know yourself, know your partner. Parents, as well meaning as they are, don't always know what's best for you, even when they think they do. They love you unconditionally, but they aren't perfect people. When you have to make a decision, know what will break your heart more and what will be a deeper regret. Be wise, but also follow your heart.